Monday, January 16, 2017
Ugh! Sometimes it's such a simple thing that leads to such complicated emotions and thoughts and memories. Even though it happened 35 years ago, the brutal murder of my Aunt Karen still heavily affects me. Not sure how to deal with this in any other way, so I'm writing. Today the memory or flashback actually, was triggered by a knife. I was washing a few dishes when I saw it. A paring knife. That's what she was killed with. Stabbed 9 times in the throat, after being knocked out by a punch in the face. I was only 5 and have only one actual memory of her. Nonetheless I'm still seriously traumatized by it. I don't want to go into detail right now. Probably will soon. But you know what probably scarred me more than that? Another aunt of mine (by marriage) was a drunk and, after getting false information about Karen's murder, decided she would tell me all the gory details of what happened plus some stuff that the media had gotten wrong. I was only 5! Why would anyone tell these things to a 5yr old?!?!?! I hate her for that. I've had nothing but violent nightmares since then. Again I'm faced with the question of why?!